I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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