Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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