they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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