Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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