and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
