college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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