Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
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