just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
well I can't set my house on fire every night
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
