Pants 0. Shit 1.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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