I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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