i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
