Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
we're chasing vodka with high fives
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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