Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
