My room smells like vodka and shame
gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
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