ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
