Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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