And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Randomize
