Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Randomize
