well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize
