Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
