I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Randomize
