the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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