Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
this beer tastes like vomit already
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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