well I can't set my house on fire every night
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
