More tranny stories later!
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize