I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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