I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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