best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
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