Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Randomize
