On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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