Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
