she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
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