she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
