I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize