He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
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