I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
