So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
