I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
