Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
