i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
