I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
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