Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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