Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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