dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
