what day is it and did you see me today?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
