This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
