I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
