Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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