dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
