i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
