Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
