I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
