If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Randomize
