I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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