Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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