just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
