plz talk dirty to me
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
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