How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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