As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
