Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize