Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
we made out on top of his cat.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
