please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Randomize
