it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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