have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
