You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
