Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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