Porn is love you can see.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
