Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
We need to get me chipped asap
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
