You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
