Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I miss vodka workout Fridays
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
