Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
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