I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Who died my cat blue again?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
