I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
i think my cat just said my name.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
