just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
So vagazzling was a success
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
