i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
