i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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