You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
