So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
