A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
