so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
