Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
