Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
how drunk are you?
Several
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
