from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
