So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize