i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Randomize
