I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
