sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
The Olympian is in my bed
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
