Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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