She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
