He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
