dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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