I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
