piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
