Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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