What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Randomize
