we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
