So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
He shit in the fireplace
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
