U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize