and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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