So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
